So many things have changed since then.. I have already graduated from university, landed myself a job that I have stayed for almost 2 years and am in a completely different phase of my life now.
I guess what prompted me to think about this space is that I find myself feeling a bit overwhelmed currently - which leads to me needing a space to word vomit and make sense of my feelings. That has always helped in the past after all.
2020 has been an unique year thus far. While it seems like an exciting year before it happens, where everyone was counting down to a new decade with accompanying hopes and dreams to mark a new phase of life, it turned out completely different. 2020 sees major disruption of our daily lives after a worldwide pandemic hits us and it has been the worst that I guess most could have ever imagined.
The pandemic has taught me many lessons amidst many (emotional) struggles that I had to go through and get accustomed to.
But, here I am, still feeling somewhat overwhelmed by these changes. I know I ought to count my blessings, in the fact that I have a comfortable roof above my head and a stable job at the moment. However, I can't help but to overthink sometimes and yearn for more.
But, here I am, still feeling somewhat overwhelmed by these changes. I know I ought to count my blessings, in the fact that I have a comfortable roof above my head and a stable job at the moment. However, I can't help but to overthink sometimes and yearn for more.
I guess being "quarantined" at home for 2 months does makes one a hella lot free with a lot of time to think and go south. And before I spiral any further, I suppose I should remind myself of the following lessons that I think i should learn from this episode:
1. Be independent - emotionally and physically
Being apart from my boyfriend this period has made me somewhat clingy towards him in the rare envelopes of time we get to spend together virtually. I started to be "possessive" over the spare time he have and demands that he spends it on me. I mean I had so much free time now that I find myself not knowing what to do, and more often than not, I channel the need to be occupied towards my boyfriend, whom I'm used to meeting almost everyday pre-pandemic. I soon learn that this was unhealthy. I'm over relying on him to make me happy and to make my day. I shouldn't have depended on anyone else other than myself to foremost, love myself and earn my own happiness. Doing otherwise has only led to me having unrealistic expectations. As they say, learn to love yourself before loving others.
2. To count your blessings
They say comparison is the thief of joy. I think this has been a huge challenge for me growing up, where I have been pretty competitive and often finding myself comparing with others all the time. This has affected my relationships, my own happiness and my self-confidence. This pandemic has led to lives being lost, jobs and livelihoods being impacted - and here I am, sometimes lamenting about the "could have beens" and being envious of others. It's a timely reminder that I should stop the comparing and instead be thankful for the things I have.
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I was feeling pretty guilty for this spiral but the boyfriend has been patient with me, telling me that it's normal to be overwhelmed. After all, it's the first time in our lives that we have been thrown into this unique situation, and it's only normal that we are feeling this "culture shock".
I guess here's to being more lenient on ourselves this period, and to a stronger and better us that will emerge after these trying times.
