Money faced

Sometimes it takes something awakening to pop you out of your bubble. As much as I hate to admit I'm wrong sometimes when someone else tells me that (because on top of that, I myself am aware of my mistakes which I beat myself up for and think a lot ).... Yes. I have been lazing too much, wanting too much, hoping too much. Comparing too much, fantasizing too much, dreaming too much.

Tonight, I applied for 8 jobs in a night. Checked out future educational paths. Did my chores that has been left there for months. And learnt some lessons. 

Hopefully I won't live in my little bubble anymore and learn to be more sacrificial. Less self centred for the greater good, for now , for the future. Less self-believing and face up to the harsh truth that maybe I just can't and are not strong enough for what I lie to myself that I can.

Time to let go of some luxury (which although I believed an 18 year old ought to enjoy) because in reality, many might be in a worser situation than me. Some maybe even working their ass off as a breadwinner for the whole family. While all I did was compare myself with my rich peers. 

Maybe my self restrictions ain't enough. The frugality that I perceived and friends acknowledged I have ain't enough. Maybe just not up there yet. 

Why does money makes the world goes so fucking round? And to you who once said I'm practical for wanting more, happy struggling in future. Once you had witness family breaking up, couples quarreling, children crying aroud you, hah welcome to fucking realistic world, mate. 

I want more, that's for a fact.