I just...... don't know where to start. I feel really frustrated I wanna scream at the top of my lungs and sleep it off. I don't know where this leads me but I hope I will be fine soon, and with every adversity, comes a learning point and a stronger / more independent me. I just pray for the best and hope that all my lucky stars continue looking out for me. Holding on to the belief that I'm the only one that can allow myself to be hurt / be in a certain kind of unfortunate situation. Maybe then I will stop comparing and pinpointing and force myself to straighten my back, grit my teeth and move the fuck on.
Sometimes I just want someone to pat me on my back and tell me "Crystal, you are doing great and I'm proud of you for how much you have accomplished despite circumstances" and reassure me of the better days. As contrary to squeezing every fibre of me and looking at what have I done wrong instead of what I have done right. I guess its just human right? To focus on the black spot in a supposed say... A4 sized white piece of paper instead of the remaining 99% white of the paper. Guess at the end of the day, I just have to rely on the stupid excuse of "being human" to excuse all the negative happenings in life.
I just yearn to have complete control of my life instead of being in the case akin to a dream that I had a lot of times. I often dream of running / walking but my legs are not able to hit the ground, I'm always somehow floating and walking on air and not being able to have full control of my movements if you can visualise that. That scares me in my sleep and it scares me even more that it is happening in a way or so in my life.
For now, I shall continue chanting the mantra "after every adversity emerge a better you, its for your own good and growth" in my mind. If not, how else am I supposed to go through all these?
Sometimes I just want someone to pat me on my back and tell me "Crystal, you are doing great and I'm proud of you for how much you have accomplished despite circumstances" and reassure me of the better days. As contrary to squeezing every fibre of me and looking at what have I done wrong instead of what I have done right. I guess its just human right? To focus on the black spot in a supposed say... A4 sized white piece of paper instead of the remaining 99% white of the paper. Guess at the end of the day, I just have to rely on the stupid excuse of "being human" to excuse all the negative happenings in life.
I just yearn to have complete control of my life instead of being in the case akin to a dream that I had a lot of times. I often dream of running / walking but my legs are not able to hit the ground, I'm always somehow floating and walking on air and not being able to have full control of my movements if you can visualise that. That scares me in my sleep and it scares me even more that it is happening in a way or so in my life.
For now, I shall continue chanting the mantra "after every adversity emerge a better you, its for your own good and growth" in my mind. If not, how else am I supposed to go through all these?
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