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At times like this, I honesty can't stop asking myself "what am I doing with my life". I have come so far yet I feel so lost and clueless on what's the next step.

I know A's is in 33 days and that's my only chance to get into a local university and do myself and everyone else proud. But I just can't. I don't know why I can't concentrate. I don't know why I'm using my phone non stop. I don't know why I'm giving myself excuses. I don't know why I have so many back up plans in mind including retaking A levels. I don't know what's wrong with me really.

Maybe it's because I'm older and I now think I have the ability to do whatever I want including A's. Maybe it's because I'm living in self denial. But honestly I'm at a lost and living in such a mess. 

At times like this, how I wish a time machine exists to bring me back to first day of JC1. I know the only way now is forward and not think backward but I honestly can't help it. 33 more days I really.......... Can't. Someone, please pull me out of this shit hole and save me. Please.