CRYSTAL ANG

I think I have been escaping from reality quite a bit this year especially academically. During the exams, I totally gave up. I don't know why I reacted that way. I guess I lost hope along the way. Gave myself excuses to cushion the negative feelings and falls. Lied to myself that retaking is okay and pepper it up with lots of backup plans. 

Now that I had a break and less load off my shoulder. I realise how foolish I was. How foolish to think that failing meant nothing to me. How foolish that I thought that being behind others wouldn't hurt my ego. How foolish was I to thought that I'm okay with losing out. Not only did I managed to fool others that giving up didn't get to me, I fooled myself that it meant nothing.

If only I didn't give up that easily. If only I hang in there. If only I pushed on a little, just a little bit more. I might actually have succeed.

 Now what's left is full of regrets and uncertainty of what to expect in the coming year. But with lessons learnt, it's a reminder that no matter how tough 2014 might bring, I should never give up again. Because my dignity and ego is too high up and I never want to lose out again. Ever again. If I were to lose out again, I wouldn't know how to pick myself up and continue again.

I have to make it. I have to.